Monday, September 24, 2012

Warped Mind

If you know my hubby, you may know that he has sometimes said I have a warped mind...

If you know me, you may know my mind is warped because of an eating disorder...

Many times when I have lectured about my experiences with eating disorders I try really hard to change people's perspectives and help them understand that "simply eating" is not such a simple solution. Having an eating disorder is an incredible addiction and completely changes the way your mind sees your own body. To this day, even having lived through the experience, I can't tell you why or how a mind could become so clueless and so "certain" that a person's body has excess fat on it... So I've always stressed in my lectures how I never saw weight loss when I was losing and never really saw weight gain when I was in treatment. However, now being preggers gives me an excellent teaching opportunity and example to share with you!

Here it goes - my "baby bump" is completely not noticeable to me. When I look in the mirror, my belly looks the exact same as it did to me 5 months ago, pre-baby. If you saw my last post, many of you commented that my bump is growing and that it's cute and that it's...whatever... but to me, I've always had this bump. Are you beginning to understand how eating disorders work? So the next time you think someone has anorexia, think twice about telling them to "just eat". To them, they are eating - they're even eating too much. To them, they haven't lost an ounce - if anything, they have become more dissatisfied with their body than ever before.

I told Jarred that my belly looks the same to me, that it appears to be unchanged by the pregnancy and I think his mind was fairly blown. And I guess it reminds me of God's goodness - that four years ago the site of my belly put me into a 40-pound weight loss, downward spiral. And today, even though my belly seems quite pudgy, He allows me to be healthy.


  1. Thank you for this Christina! It frustrates me to no end when people believe that just eating will cure an ED. I am so happy to hear that you are looking to God to guide you in this pregnancy weight gain. I need to email you soon!

  2. Absolutely! I'd love to get an update from you!!!!!